Keith Ballard of the Florida Panthers took hockey “goonism” to a whole new level by attacking his own goalie Tuesday night.  He claims it was one of the biggest “brain cramps” of the year when he almost decapitated netminder Tomas Voukun with a vicious two-hander, suggesting he was simply trying to smash his stick in frustration into the goal post after the Panthers gave up a goal to the Thrashers Ilya Kovalchuk.  The video evidence however looks like Voukun’s head was a Titleist and Ballard was teeing off on a long par-5.  Voukun was down for several minutes and had to be carried from the ice on a stretcher while Ballard looked on from the bench area with his teammates giving him a wide berth.  Fortunately, “facial and skull lacerations” were the “only” consequence of Ballards collossal miscue.  Just when you thought playing professional hockey inside when it is 95 degrees outside was the craziest thing going on in Sunrise, Florida, Ballard comes along to lower the “wacky” scale a few more inches.  Voukun, when finally reached for comment said that he doesn’t remember the incident but is looking forward to spending some time at the beach this week with his “omay” and 3 little brothers in Karlovy Vary, Czechoslovakia and would like to be a professional hockey player when he grows up.

The chances of erstwhile colleagues and buddies Bill Belichick and Eric Mangini being reunited have seemed remote…until now.  They appear together this week in our Braincramp of the Week section as our first two nominees.

Nominee #1 – Bill Belichick: Sunday night’s shocking decision to go for it on 4th down from their own 28 with 2:00 remaining and leading by 6 would on it’s own be enough to find a spot here, but blowing his last two timeouts moments before was beyond explanation.  Without a remaining timeout, Belichick was unable to challenge the spot of the ball on their misguided 4th down play.  The resulting Colt’s winning touchdown falls squarely on the shoulders of the biggest ego in the NFL – Nice job, Bill!

Nominee #2 – Eric Mangini: The “Mangenious” was up to his usual bizarre behaviour about 24 hours after Belichick’s Braincramp with one of his own.  At the end of their completely futile effort against the Ravens and trailing 16-0, Mangini used the last play of the game to enact his own version of the “Stanford Band” play. Notwithstanding the fact that victory was impossible, the Browns were out there lateraling the ball as only the hapless Browns can when Mangini’s best player Joshua Cribbs was absolutely annihilated by the Ravens hulking defensive end Dwan Edwards.  After Cribbs was stretchered off the field and taken to hospital, Mangini sheepishly admitted that the play call may not have been the shrewdist one, “In retrospect I would probably do (the last play) differently if I had to it again”. Ya think?! Would somebody please put Mangini out of his misery soon!

Our first nominee for this week’s Brain Cramp of the Week goes to an old favorite, Robert Montgomery Knight.  After finding out that he was being inducted into the Indiana University Sports Hall of Fame what does the wacky coach decide to do?? He announces that he won’t be attending the induction.  Whaaat??? After years of somehow developing the mantle of “wronged martyr” in the state of Indiana, wacky Bobby has returned his reputation to the guy who threw chairs, strangled sophmores and made totally idiotic comments about the subject of rape! He couldn’t take the high road, even after the tragic passing of his former nemisis, ex School President Myles Brand which left him in possession of the field.  The “general” clearly misread this situation and leaves himself with far fewer fans among the “Cream and Crimson” and more importantly a “Brain Cramp of the Week, nomination.

Gators coach Urban Meyer easily wins our inaugural “Braincramp of the Week” award with his decision to “suspend” star linebacker Brandon Spikes for the 1st half of Florida’s game this week against conference rival Vanderbilt.  Spikes received this dire punishment for his attempted eye gouge on Georgia running back Washaun Early. Other possible “punishments” Meyer considered was limiting Spikes to one dessert or one joint after the team meal on Tuesday.  Come on Urban! Just because the drunken co-eds and boosters in Gainsville would elect you Emperor doesn’t mean the rest of us aren’t watching.